There have been two constants in Donna Roman Hernandez’s life: trauma and a deep desire to help people. Both elements are deeply entwined.
Donna served her community for 30 years as a police officer in New Jersey, retiring as a captain having commanded a domestic violence response team and police in-service domestic violence training unit.
While still in uniform, she started to study filmmaking, having always had a passion for movies. She continues to explore trauma and healing through her film production company, Blue Force Films, and her book, Battered Blue (coming in the fall of 2021), a memoir about her own experiences with trauma, domestic violence survivorship, and healing.
She brings her entire self and experience, and her storytelling expertise, to the EJUSA Trauma & Healing Network. We sat down with her to discuss her life and work.
EJUSA: What was your motivation for becoming a police officer?
Donna: I was always passionate about serving my community. My father served in law enforcement as a constable. The civil rights movement was a big motivation for me. As a child in July 1967, I watched on television the civil unrest in Newark, NJ, between residents and the police.
I saw people of color being beaten and disenfranchised, and that struck a chord in me. I felt a call to duty to do something good for my city.
EJUSA: How did you experience trauma as a police officer?
Donna: I came to the job having experienced violence and trauma in my household. My father perpetrated unspeakable acts of control and violence against me, my mother, and my siblings. I hid my bruises beneath my uniform and never disclosed the abuse. My father tried to kill me twice, and nearly succeeded one time. The abuse was my family’s dark secret.
As an Essex County Police Officer assigned to the Patrol Division, I felt empathetic to anyone who was a victim of violence, abuse, or maltreatment. I went out of my way to help and advocate for others whose rights were disenfranchised because I knew how they felt.
As a patrol officer I was often exposed to crisis and trauma. Gearing up for the road and sitting in a police car for an entire shift caused anxiety, knowing that I would be responding to emergency calls for service, accidents, and making officer-initiated car stops. I wore body armor and carried a firearm, but I also had to be mentally and physically prepared for handling crisis and chaos.
I realized that not every officer on the job thought the way I did about policing. This was due in part to the violence and trauma I experienced at an early age. I wanted to be empathetic to victims who experienced trauma and proactive about arresting and prosecuting their offenders.
My mother could see how the job and my history of abuse interfered with my overall fitness, so she suggested that I go to counseling. I took her advice.
EJUSA: How did the trauma show up in your day-to-day living?
Donna: I had hair-trigger anger from my father’s abuse that impacted my day-to-day wellness. For many years I was in dysfunctional intimate partner relationships with boyfriends who were abusive and disrespectful.
I wanted to make my mother proud of me so even though I socialized with the wrong circle of friends, I never fell prey to the evils of drug addiction or alcohol abuse. She encouraged me to pursue my educational goals and that is what I did.
EJUSA: Why did you become a filmmaker? And how did you learn to do it while still being a police officer?
Donna: I have always loved film production especially the memorable classic movies from old Hollywood. I was inspired to produce my own films, especially documentaries about people who have survived against all odds. So, years ago I went to filmmaking school and improved my writing skills. Along the way, I gained experience as a screenwriter, director, and videographer which enhanced my film production skills.
I attended a meeting for new filmmakers where people shared their reasons for being there. My reason for being a filmmaker was to fulfill a promise I made to my mother months before she died. That was to publicly share our story of survivorship to empower other victims to leave their abusers. But when it was my time to share my reason for attending the meeting I did not want to talk about the violence in my home. I ran out of the room crying uncontrollably.
I met a videographer there, though, and she volunteered her expertise to help me tell my story. I asked her who would direct it, and she said, “You will. It’s your story.”
So, I did. It took me a year and a half to make “The Ultimate Betrayal: A Survivor’s Journey.” I was amazed that so many people wanted to watch it. It won several indie film awards. And that is what I have been doing ever since.
My most recent film is called “Ronnie’s Story” (which premiered at the Asbury Park Film Festival this spring). Ronnie is an 84-year-old survivor of domestic violence and she had never told her story publicly before this documentary. She said, “If you had the courage to tell your story, I have the courage to tell mine.”
EJUSA: How did you come into the Trauma & Healing Network?
Donna: EJUSA contacted me to ask if I would be part of Trauma to Trust as a facilitator to assist with the training program development and to lend my law enforcement experience and trauma-informed response expertise. This training appealed to me because it brought community residents and police officers together using trauma-informed, restorative facilitation practices grounded in racial equity. As a facilitator I also provided feedback to EJUSA from the sessions to inform ongoing curriculum, program development and evaluation.
EJUSA also invited me to participate in their National Convening on Trust in the Criminal Justice System that brought together people to talk about the trauma they have experienced in the justice system and solutions that can help fuel a national dialogue about new ways to address trauma and our responses to it.
EJUSA: Is there anything you want out of the experience of being in the THN?
Donna: I am excited to be a part of the THN as we envision a transformation of our criminal justice system through trauma informed responses to violence and healing.
I want to help others learn from my experience as a survivor of domestic violence and sexual assault how to heal from long-term trauma. Also, how a trauma-informed response by law enforcement officers can help diverse communities heal from historical trauma.
As a network we want to help others, but we are there to self-heal too. We share our expertise and experiences with each other and our success stories about how we have helped individuals and communities heal from the trauma they have experienced.
All of us in the THN want everyone to live in communities where we can be free from violence and to elevate healing over retribution.
EJUSA: What do you want people to take from your stories and your work healing trauma?
Donna: What I have learned from my victimization and my work healing trauma is that recovering from trauma is a personal and complex journey. Trauma impacts the brain and body and affects survivors’ lives so strongly that it can change their perception of life.
A survivor’s ability to heal from trauma depends on many factors, and counseling may be a part of that.
There are times though when a single question can cause a positive change to occur in a survivor’s life, by asking a question they may never have been asked before. That is, what can I do to help you?
Throughout the decades of my victimization, no one asked me that important question. If anyone had asked me, most likely I would have received the help I desperately needed.
Instead for many years I felt alone, afraid, trapped, anxious, and unsafe. I thought no one cared about what was happening to me and that my quality of life did not matter.
I protected our family’s secret of abuse and domestic violence. Keeping that secret nearly ended my life.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, know that it is not your fault. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233.
